Day Thirty-Seven:

Drum roll, please... the verdict is in. NEGATIVE.  I do not have the DQ2 or DQ8 gene. Shocked? No. Confused? Yes. Happy? Well, I think so. Sounds weird, I know. Who wouldn't be happy, right? I just got saved from a horrible disease that would affect the rest of my life. Of course I'm happy about all of the obvious. But now what? Is it something worse? Or just something different? The big question is the WHAT... we are back to square one. Why do I have positive antibodies? Now I'm being referred to a new specialist, a G.I. who deals with bacterial overgrowth. Possibly something there? I am frustrated that another month has gone by, and we seem to be no closer to an answer. Interestingly enough, I read that 97% of Celiac patients have one of the two genes I DON'T have. Could I be in the other 3 percent? I guess we'll find out soon enough, as I now begin the process of reintroducing gluten into my diet. This will enable me to manage my symptoms (will the severe fatigue set back in?).  My joint pain hasn't changed much, and my headaches, well, although I've lowered the dose of meds., I haven't seen too much improvement there either. Where do I go from here... and why do I feel like my name is getting closer and closer to the pages of a medical journal????? Shouldn't I be celebrating? I am staring at a loaf of bread and thinking, "what's next?"

Day Thirty-Six: Still waiting. I haven't posted lately because my computer died and I'm waiting for a new battery and power cord. Regardless, there is not much to report because it's been two weeks since the genetic test and I still have no answers! I am feeling good... Definitely better, but not great. When can I expect to feel great? Ever? Is this even the right diagnosis? Am I raising the bar too high hoping to feel fantastic? Such a drastic life change warrants an expectation of a drastic change in how I am feeling, right? So many questions... I just need my results so I know this path is the right one...

Day Twenty-Nine:
As I type I'm eating Trader Joe's Gluten-Free Rice Pasta and Cheddar. AKA- Mac'n Cheese! YUM.  A bit of a different texture (chewier) than typical Kraft, but the flavor is fantastic. I can't get enough of it. In case you're wondering why I'm eating this at my computer during dinner, I'll tell you that it's because Stop and Shop failed me, yet again. I decided on a rotisserie chicken for dinner tonight, so off we went to the store. There are different flavors, which I knew I couldn't have because of the marinades. However, there is a chicken labeled "All Natural." Ha! Turns out there is nothing natural about it.  Since when does an "All Natural" chicken contain wheat and gluten? I'd better call up Jim Perdue because this might be a serious problem! So while my family enjoyed their "Non-natural" chicken, I decided to treat myself to a box of Mac'n Cheese. And a treat it was.

On another note, I was tired today. Interesting, really, because it made me remember what "normal" used to feel like. I think my normal has changed now, and dare I say that I'm no long dreadfully tired all the time.  I can't say that I'm never tired, but I guess that wouldn't have to do with a treatment for Celiac, because no mom is ever NOT tired.  It's difficult to sort it all out, but at the end of the day I do feel somewhat better. I still question whether I'm lactose intolerant... unfortunately I believe I am still having problems with this. And I still wonder what other allergies/intolerances I may have developed. But for now, I'm feeling better. Hooray.  I waited by the mailbox again today, chewing at my nails to no avail. Maybe tomorrow...

Day Twenty-Eight:

Pizza. I have gone more than thirty days without it, and I survived. I finally acquired a gluten-free pie... one of my favorite places now carries the dough. The only catch? A now twenty minute drive. Worth it? You bet. When you want a pizza, it's good. Expensive, yes. As tasty as the original, heck to the no. But it's pizza and it's decent. I can't complain too much. Ben called it a "good Celeste," and I had to thank him for that. An $11 version of the 88 cent crap you buy at Stop and Shop.  Yippee! But you'd have to be in my shoes to appreciate the little things... like the bacon and onion and the real, honest to goodness pizza box. I am normal today. Hooray!

And I still stand by the mailbox like a sixteen year old waiting for college admission letters... when will my results come and what will they say? The jury is still out....

Day Twenty-Seven:

"Mommy, when is your ear going to feel better so you can eat our food again?"  Since I burst my ear drum the same week I found out about Celiac, my now five year old has linked the two together.  If only it were that simple!

I've lost three pounds in just about three weeks, and ironically enough I am starting to get hungry again... you know, the kind I complained about in days one through at least ten?!  The wake-up-in-the-night kind of hungry.  Hmph.  I can't figure this all out and am frustrated trying. 

No news as of yet from the lab... but it hasn't even been a week so I need to be patient.

Day Twenty-Six:

P.F. Changs, I love you. You too, Plaza Azteca! Another two restaurant debacles avoided. Let me start by saying that just because a restaurant HAS a gluten-free menu doesn't mean that one might enjoy eating there. Exhibit A. Bertuccis. Here's a great salad... but you can't have any bread (the best part about their restaurant!)  Number 2. Chili's. Go ahead, have a burger! Just don't get a bun or fries with it.  Well, that's ingenious, feed me like a dog and that'll encourage me to come back! And Exhibit C. Wood'n Tap. A gluten-free bun? Really? That's great! But oh, wait, you have to eat string beans with your burger, because the fries are mixed in with other gluten-containing foods.  UGH! Seriously?  Luckily for me, the Spanish and Asian cultures either don't like gluten or really appreciate the predicament I'm in, so most of their cooking includes or can be adjusted to use corn or soy-based products.  Whoopee! So dinner last night was somewhat successful.  I only say somewhat because I couldn't REALLY order what I wanted, which was flour tortilla fajitas... but I can't complain because I had a great meal. And then today, when I went to P.F. Changs, I was so excited to discover that my lettuce wraps can be made in a gluten-free version, as can many of their dishes.  I didn't have to miss out on anything... except maybe the fried chicken, but I didn't need that anyway.  Even the girls' birthday dessert was gluten-free. Hooray!  They've got SUCH a clue that they have different colored plates for GF customers... another way to not only make me feel comfortable that they haven't confused my dish with another, but also to make me feel somewhat normal at a table full of non-Celiacs.

The lesson of the day... I've come to the realization that restaurant eating is exhausting!

Day Twenty-Two:

Genetic testing, check! Wow! What a day. Turns out the insurance didn't make me jump through too many hoops... they reviewed my case and decided to pay for the tests! Woohoo! I went today and got it done, so now I just have to.... you guessed it... wait.  But it's okay, because I'll have a definitive answer. Imagine if it's negative? What will happen to my blog? Haha.  So if it's positive, it's pretty much a given that I have Celiac.  If it's negative, there is some other factor affecting my positive blood test.... why do I have this odd feeling that it may come back negative? That would definitely be reason to celebrate, but as Ben said, then what? I still have so many questions.  One day at a time.  I guess we'll just see what the test says and go from there.

I ate McDonald's french fries today. Man, they were good.  I ate nothing else for lunch, because I obviously can't have anything else there (even salad... the chicken and dressings have gluten!). But the fries were good. Yum.  Then I find out that, hey, the oil they fry them in has a wheat derivative in it. Nice! So apparently I need to do a LOT more research before I just eat out on a whim again.  Frustration! Do they not realize how much I LOVE their food?

On a happier note... check out this article.... http://www.glutenfreeliving.com/Upload/plate-vol9-1.  I called the movie theater today and verified that its popcorn is, in fact, GLUTEN FREE! YIPPPEEEE!!! I am going to the movies with my sis tomorrow night and am planning on eating as much as I can possibly consume. This makes me giddy at the thought.  Seriously.  I know, it's pathetic.  As for where and what for dinner... that's a whole different problem that I can't even deal with right now!

Day Twenty:

Valentine's Day. Here's what I want. TAKE OUT FOOD! I am frustrated and cranky because all of my standard choices are a no-go for me. That makes me miserable. What used to be great for ordering on a whim or for a special treat has now lost all excitement. I want to scream. Seems ridiculous, I'm sure, but it's yet another moment that sends me right back to day one.  And here I am again, cranky, hungry and really just plain ticked. This day wasn't all bad, it just went downhill around dinner time, which seems to happen a lot lately. If I had to analyze myself, I'd say that I wasn't tearing up about the food (even though  good sesame chicken is something to cry about), it's just been a long day of trying hard to master this very difficult new life. I know, it shouldn't be THAT difficult, but it's kinda like if someone put a button in front of you and tells you you're not allowed to push it. All you want to do is push it and see what happens, and it takes all of your energy to think of ways to avoid pushing that button.

I'm off to drool about a nice (imaginary) french baguette drenched in olive oil  and my yummy (imaginary) lo mein and sesame chicken..... Thank God Ben was here to take over dinner after my meltdown! I guess I'll have to eat his dinner and pretend it's eggplant pizza and an egg roll. ;)

Oh, and on a side note... thank GOD for Ellen, and her Udi's bread. (I LOVE YOU, ELLEN!) I am serious when I say I do NOT know what I would do if I had not been introduced to it. It is THE only bread that actually tastes decent. Life without bread... well, it's my blog title, so obviously it's made a big impact.

Day Eighteen:

I am almost ready to say that I've adopted a new lifestyle. BUT. Just when I let my guard down, I get nervous that I'm going to slip. Like last night, when I made a batch of brownies. I stuck the toothpick in to check if they were done, and what do you know, I put the toothpick in my mouth.  It's things like that, subconscious behaviors that I've done my whole life, that worry me.  So now I'm back to being worried all the time, checking and double checking to make sure I'm doing everything right.  When will this be second nature? I guess two weeks in is just too soon.

My bestie brought me William Sonoma, Cup 4 Cup Chocolate Chunk cookies. It was my first attempt at baking a dessert.  I can only imagine what this creation costs, but nevermind that for now, because they were phenomenal. Everyone agreed.  The only mishap was the fact that A. the wax paper almost started on fire, and B. the cookies all melded into one giant creation. But whatever... they were fantastic and I ate way too many.  I am pretty sure that no one would ever be able to tell the difference between a "real" cookie and these.  Yippee! Can't wait to try the pancakes!

I'm not feeling nearly as frustrated all the time, which is great, nor do I feel starving all the time. Yay! If I had to guess, I'd say I feel pretty much back to normal. Whatever normal is.  I do feel less tired, but can't say that much else has changed as of yet. What does all of this mean, and when will I get a clear sign? My joint pain is still an issue some days, but I can't really tell if it has improved because it's always been a problem that fluctuates.  My headaches seem better, although I'm an idiot and decided to try to get myself off of the migraine medication all at the same time as starting this diet. So I'm holding steady on a much smaller dose, which is good, but I'm still getting the occasional headache. Is this normal of one who weans off of the medication? Probably... I'm not a doctor and I need to stop acting like one! I'll have to wait this one out and see what happens.  Another waiting game.  But as long as I don't suffer like before, I've got the time!

The girls are getting used to my diet, too.  They stop asking me if I want bites of their food, and they are asking a lot of questions about "momma's food." They also like to try it and tell me their opinion.  I guess we're all adjusting, it's just taking time.

Day Fourteen:

Two pounds lighter, still grouchy. I have to say, I'm enjoying eating a little more... the salads and fruit are actually tasting good and making me feel full (finally).  But at the same time, I am still encountering many, many circumstances where I want a food that I cannot have. A bite of this, and a taste of that. Ugh!  In spite of that, I've managed to find something new that tastes, yes, GOOD! Betty Crocker GF Chocolate Chip Cookies have made it to the top of my list, I'm happy to report. It's about time I tasted a normal dessert that doesn't taste like GF white bread.  Woohoo!  The texture is still very different... picture a normal cookie, 3 days old (crumbly and dry) and you've got yourself a fresh baked GF cookie!! But I'm going to take this recipe under my wing and learn how to do it right.  Unfortunately, unlike my secret to normal Betty Crocker brownies/cookies (under cook them by at least 8 minutes), GF doesn't work the same way- it will make you sick if it's undercooked.  So it'll be a learning curve.  But I'm up for the challenge here, because everyone knows how badly I need a warm chocolate cookie once in a while.  The mood thing, though, I'm not sure what that's all about.  Even I know that the last balloons have all deflated at my pity party, and I need to move on.  But even though I can rationalize this, I can't seem to get out of the funk that drowns me day to day.  I keep having (literal) dreams about eating things I'm not supposed to eat, which makes me feel anxious that I need to pay more careful attention and make sure I don't "forget" that I have this disease. Ha! That's hysterical. I am way too high strung! I guess that wasn't a Celiac symptom!

Yesterday was a sleepy day, which really surprised me, in that I now realize that I am feeling better.  I took a nap and went to bed at 8:00, which was very, very normal for my day to day life pre-diagnosis. Yet this morning I realized that, wow, that was the first day in almost two weeks that I needed a nap midday! Everything is a puzzle, but the only thing that matters is that I continue to feel better.

Tonight is Vaca Frita night... my all time favorite Cuban meal that I cannot live without. Thank God it's gluten free. I plan to make it a lot.  And by the way, is anyone else disturbed by the fact that Moe's tortilla chips have gluten in them? I am so angry about that! It's a CORN chip. Get a clue, Moe. "The queso is gluten-free, though." Hahaha... yeah, okay, should I just drink it with a straw, then? Ugh... I understand that I was one of them two weeks ago, but I just can't deal with clueless people right now....