Day Five:

Today I am riddled with questions.
What in the hey am I supposed to eat for lunch? Today was my first day eating lunch at work with no sandwich. Gluten-free bread is palatable if you toast it, which isn't possible at school, so I am left with limited options. So I brought a salad the size of Texas and had a good laugh as people looked at me like I was a rabbit loose in the garden. Don't get me wrong, I love salad as much as the next guy.  Sometimes, though, it just isn't satisfying... at all.  I've tried all of the fixings- nuts, fruit, meats, eggs, cheese.... let's just say it's going to be an adjustment. Especially without the ever-so-delicious garlic butter crouton. I am not a soup person either.  I don't mind it, and sometimes really enjoy it, but I will rarely get excited about soup. Not to mention that most soups that aren't homemade have gluten in them.  So that's out, too, since I don't have the energy or desire to brew up my own concoction.  So here I am... yet again realizing that my life revolves around bread.  Hmph. Lunch is my favorite meal of the day. Seriously. But at least I've got my chips! So I'll just eat salad for now and keep on thinking.... what am I going to have tomorrow?

Will I gain or will I lose? That's another question on my mind today. Celiac is such a crazy disease, because people have so many different symptoms that while some gain weight after diagnosis, others lose weight.  Which category will I fit into? It's funny, because before diagnosis, all I wanted to do was lose the weight I put on.  Not because I cared about my pant size, but because I didn't feel comfortable. But today, after diagnosis, I really don't care what happens with my weight (okay, well maybe that's an overstatement since I obviously don't want to gain 100 pounds).... but my point is, all I want to do is get healthy.  If that doesn't mean losing this weight, then so be it.  If I do lose it, well, I will consider it a major bonus of course! I think women spend so much time worrying about their weight, when what they should really be focused on is whether or not they take care of themselves and are focused on how they feel.  When you think about it, why do we all need scales?

Juice or Smoothie? I bought a juicer, and now I'm thinking twice about it.  It seems like a lot of work, and a lot of money. I discovered these super healthy smoothies that seemed expensive until I really started to calculate what I am going to spend on fruit and veggies for the juicer, not to mention the time and energy it will take to make all of these drinks I'm planning to have.  So what do I do? Abandon the juicer and stock up on the smoothies? It seems like it can't be the most cost effective this way, but  how can I possibly buy 6.5 apples, 3.5 oranges, 1 banana, and 3.75 mangoes for under the cost of the fruit smoothie ($3.15)? Why is this so puzzling to me?

When am I going to stop being hungry? Anyone? Ben says it's in my head because I'm thinking about it constantly.  Really, babe? I'm sure perseverating on this fact doesn't help anything, but no matter what I do my stomach is really and truly growling at me. How can I stop thinking about it when I'm interrupted every five minutes by a snoring elephant? It's really pretty aggravating at this point. The worst part is still that I don't want to eat most of the time. I just don't get it. I bought Tilapia for dinner tonight and had to put it in the freezer, because the thought of putting that in my mouth made me want to gag. This is almost like being pregnant again, except without the babies... and without the bread.

Tonight I had my very first "normal" meal. By normal I mean that I didn't do anything different than before before my diagnosis (aside from checking the labels). TACOS!!!! Yum. Another interesting question that I'm pondering... other than bread, why are most of my favorite foods gluten-free? Is this just a lucky coincidence? Well, whatever the answer is, I might as well stop asking questions and just enjoy what I can!