Day Two:

"Why can't you eat the things I eat, Mama?" says my almost-five year old Lauren.  Good question. I'm thinking, "Because life is cruel!" but instead, I say, "Because some of the foods you eat give Mommy a tummy ache," and that seems to satisfy her curiosity... for now. My almost-five year old, Natalie, on the other hand, takes a bite of my gluten-free bread and says "Ewwww... this tastes like yuck."  My sentiments exactly. Someone told me that I have to change my way of eating, and I think I've come to the sad realization that this is true. Some things just shouldn't be made in a gluten-free form.  I'm a grown woman and I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I'm done eating them. Really?! Ughh... well, I guess the first step is admittance. I'm just not quite ready to accept it yet.

Lipstick. Lotion. Shampoo. Soy sauce. Pickles. Salad dressing. These are things I had no idea might have gluten in them. This is where I feel completely and utterly defeated and overwhelmed. Another thing is contamination. I need my own butter, my own toaster tray, my own pan when we cook.... segregation is key. It seems silly, but it makes me feel sad to have to label all my food like I'm an outsider in this family... like using a different tub of butter somehow makes me less connected to my counterparts. This is hereditary, so I pray everyday that my sister and my children don't suffer my same fate. Only time will tell. In the meantime, I will just try to find the positive here.... I don't have to share my food (who wants it anyway!?) and no one will double dip in my containers. Yay!

On the upside, I'm eating a bagel today. Udi's. It's not half bad. The aftertaste is not my favorite, but I'm figuring it'll be an acquired taste. At least it's a bagel.  I silently mourn the loss of Nicky's Jersey bagels, but am trying to stay strong. One step at a time. Tonight I'll take my first journey to the outside world... restaurant eating.  It's an upscale restaurant (of course) with it's own gluten-free menu.  It gives me hope. If I go to a place like Chili's, their gluten-free menu includes a hamburger, with no bun and no fries- ha! That sounds like a real treat.  Hopefully if I spend a chunk of change at an upscale place, they'll at least attempt to make a decent meal and hide from the rest of the table that it's gluten free. I can just imagine the horror of my children watching me eat a plain hamburger on a plate at Chili's. What a sight that would be!

By the way, I have a support group. It's not the kind where you meet every week and sit in a circle with donuts (ha!) and coffee, but it's my lifeline right now. My Mom. She's gluten-sensitive and is at least a month into her new life. She's thriving on this diet, so thank God for her support. She's my personal shopper and cheerleader, pushing me through the lowest of the low points. My Aunt Kath is my celiac buddy, too, so I'm feeling the love. She answers my million questions about different products and lets me vent about how much this sucks. Gotta love her. And Ellen, who's gluten-sensitive and has a never ending knowledge base on this topic. She is incredibly enthusiastic and has been on this diet the longest, so I know there is hope. I'm not happy about joining this stupid club, but at least I'm not the first member. 

I will get through this, and things will get better. In fact, things will get greater. Right?!