Day Twenty-Nine:
As I type I'm eating Trader Joe's Gluten-Free Rice Pasta and Cheddar. AKA- Mac'n Cheese! YUM. A bit of a different texture (chewier) than typical Kraft, but the flavor is fantastic. I can't get enough of it. In case you're wondering why I'm eating this at my computer during dinner, I'll tell you that it's because Stop and Shop failed me, yet again. I decided on a rotisserie chicken for dinner tonight, so off we went to the store. There are different flavors, which I knew I couldn't have because of the marinades. However, there is a chicken labeled "All Natural." Ha! Turns out there is nothing natural about it. Since when does an "All Natural" chicken contain wheat and gluten? I'd better call up Jim Perdue because this might be a serious problem! So while my family enjoyed their "Non-natural" chicken, I decided to treat myself to a box of Mac'n Cheese. And a treat it was.
On another note, I was tired today. Interesting, really, because it made me remember what "normal" used to feel like. I think my normal has changed now, and dare I say that I'm no long dreadfully tired all the time. I can't say that I'm never tired, but I guess that wouldn't have to do with a treatment for Celiac, because no mom is ever NOT tired. It's difficult to sort it all out, but at the end of the day I do feel somewhat better. I still question whether I'm lactose intolerant... unfortunately I believe I am still having problems with this. And I still wonder what other allergies/intolerances I may have developed. But for now, I'm feeling better. Hooray. I waited by the mailbox again today, chewing at my nails to no avail. Maybe tomorrow...
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Day Twenty-Eight:
Pizza. I have gone more than thirty days without it, and I survived. I finally acquired a gluten-free pie... one of my favorite places now carries the dough. The only catch? A now twenty minute drive. Worth it? You bet. When you want a pizza, it's good. Expensive, yes. As tasty as the original, heck to the no. But it's pizza and it's decent. I can't complain too much. Ben called it a "good Celeste," and I had to thank him for that. An $11 version of the 88 cent crap you buy at Stop and Shop. Yippee! But you'd have to be in my shoes to appreciate the little things... like the bacon and onion and the real, honest to goodness pizza box. I am normal today. Hooray!
And I still stand by the mailbox like a sixteen year old waiting for college admission letters... when will my results come and what will they say? The jury is still out....
Pizza. I have gone more than thirty days without it, and I survived. I finally acquired a gluten-free pie... one of my favorite places now carries the dough. The only catch? A now twenty minute drive. Worth it? You bet. When you want a pizza, it's good. Expensive, yes. As tasty as the original, heck to the no. But it's pizza and it's decent. I can't complain too much. Ben called it a "good Celeste," and I had to thank him for that. An $11 version of the 88 cent crap you buy at Stop and Shop. Yippee! But you'd have to be in my shoes to appreciate the little things... like the bacon and onion and the real, honest to goodness pizza box. I am normal today. Hooray!
And I still stand by the mailbox like a sixteen year old waiting for college admission letters... when will my results come and what will they say? The jury is still out....
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Day Twenty-Seven:
"Mommy, when is your ear going to feel better so you can eat our food again?" Since I burst my ear drum the same week I found out about Celiac, my now five year old has linked the two together. If only it were that simple!
I've lost three pounds in just about three weeks, and ironically enough I am starting to get hungry again... you know, the kind I complained about in days one through at least ten?! The wake-up-in-the-night kind of hungry. Hmph. I can't figure this all out and am frustrated trying.
No news as of yet from the lab... but it hasn't even been a week so I need to be patient.
"Mommy, when is your ear going to feel better so you can eat our food again?" Since I burst my ear drum the same week I found out about Celiac, my now five year old has linked the two together. If only it were that simple!
I've lost three pounds in just about three weeks, and ironically enough I am starting to get hungry again... you know, the kind I complained about in days one through at least ten?! The wake-up-in-the-night kind of hungry. Hmph. I can't figure this all out and am frustrated trying.
No news as of yet from the lab... but it hasn't even been a week so I need to be patient.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Day Twenty-Six:
P.F. Changs, I love you. You too, Plaza Azteca! Another two restaurant debacles avoided. Let me start by saying that just because a restaurant HAS a gluten-free menu doesn't mean that one might enjoy eating there. Exhibit A. Bertuccis. Here's a great salad... but you can't have any bread (the best part about their restaurant!) Number 2. Chili's. Go ahead, have a burger! Just don't get a bun or fries with it. Well, that's ingenious, feed me like a dog and that'll encourage me to come back! And Exhibit C. Wood'n Tap. A gluten-free bun? Really? That's great! But oh, wait, you have to eat string beans with your burger, because the fries are mixed in with other gluten-containing foods. UGH! Seriously? Luckily for me, the Spanish and Asian cultures either don't like gluten or really appreciate the predicament I'm in, so most of their cooking includes or can be adjusted to use corn or soy-based products. Whoopee! So dinner last night was somewhat successful. I only say somewhat because I couldn't REALLY order what I wanted, which was flour tortilla fajitas... but I can't complain because I had a great meal. And then today, when I went to P.F. Changs, I was so excited to discover that my lettuce wraps can be made in a gluten-free version, as can many of their dishes. I didn't have to miss out on anything... except maybe the fried chicken, but I didn't need that anyway. Even the girls' birthday dessert was gluten-free. Hooray! They've got SUCH a clue that they have different colored plates for GF customers... another way to not only make me feel comfortable that they haven't confused my dish with another, but also to make me feel somewhat normal at a table full of non-Celiacs.
The lesson of the day... I've come to the realization that restaurant eating is exhausting!
P.F. Changs, I love you. You too, Plaza Azteca! Another two restaurant debacles avoided. Let me start by saying that just because a restaurant HAS a gluten-free menu doesn't mean that one might enjoy eating there. Exhibit A. Bertuccis. Here's a great salad... but you can't have any bread (the best part about their restaurant!) Number 2. Chili's. Go ahead, have a burger! Just don't get a bun or fries with it. Well, that's ingenious, feed me like a dog and that'll encourage me to come back! And Exhibit C. Wood'n Tap. A gluten-free bun? Really? That's great! But oh, wait, you have to eat string beans with your burger, because the fries are mixed in with other gluten-containing foods. UGH! Seriously? Luckily for me, the Spanish and Asian cultures either don't like gluten or really appreciate the predicament I'm in, so most of their cooking includes or can be adjusted to use corn or soy-based products. Whoopee! So dinner last night was somewhat successful. I only say somewhat because I couldn't REALLY order what I wanted, which was flour tortilla fajitas... but I can't complain because I had a great meal. And then today, when I went to P.F. Changs, I was so excited to discover that my lettuce wraps can be made in a gluten-free version, as can many of their dishes. I didn't have to miss out on anything... except maybe the fried chicken, but I didn't need that anyway. Even the girls' birthday dessert was gluten-free. Hooray! They've got SUCH a clue that they have different colored plates for GF customers... another way to not only make me feel comfortable that they haven't confused my dish with another, but also to make me feel somewhat normal at a table full of non-Celiacs.
The lesson of the day... I've come to the realization that restaurant eating is exhausting!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Day Twenty-Two:
Genetic testing, check! Wow! What a day. Turns out the insurance didn't make me jump through too many hoops... they reviewed my case and decided to pay for the tests! Woohoo! I went today and got it done, so now I just have to.... you guessed it... wait. But it's okay, because I'll have a definitive answer. Imagine if it's negative? What will happen to my blog? Haha. So if it's positive, it's pretty much a given that I have Celiac. If it's negative, there is some other factor affecting my positive blood test.... why do I have this odd feeling that it may come back negative? That would definitely be reason to celebrate, but as Ben said, then what? I still have so many questions. One day at a time. I guess we'll just see what the test says and go from there.
I ate McDonald's french fries today. Man, they were good. I ate nothing else for lunch, because I obviously can't have anything else there (even salad... the chicken and dressings have gluten!). But the fries were good. Yum. Then I find out that, hey, the oil they fry them in has a wheat derivative in it. Nice! So apparently I need to do a LOT more research before I just eat out on a whim again. Frustration! Do they not realize how much I LOVE their food?
On a happier note... check out this article.... http://www.glutenfreeliving.com/Upload/plate-vol9-1. I called the movie theater today and verified that its popcorn is, in fact, GLUTEN FREE! YIPPPEEEE!!! I am going to the movies with my sis tomorrow night and am planning on eating as much as I can possibly consume. This makes me giddy at the thought. Seriously. I know, it's pathetic. As for where and what for dinner... that's a whole different problem that I can't even deal with right now!
Genetic testing, check! Wow! What a day. Turns out the insurance didn't make me jump through too many hoops... they reviewed my case and decided to pay for the tests! Woohoo! I went today and got it done, so now I just have to.... you guessed it... wait. But it's okay, because I'll have a definitive answer. Imagine if it's negative? What will happen to my blog? Haha. So if it's positive, it's pretty much a given that I have Celiac. If it's negative, there is some other factor affecting my positive blood test.... why do I have this odd feeling that it may come back negative? That would definitely be reason to celebrate, but as Ben said, then what? I still have so many questions. One day at a time. I guess we'll just see what the test says and go from there.
I ate McDonald's french fries today. Man, they were good. I ate nothing else for lunch, because I obviously can't have anything else there (even salad... the chicken and dressings have gluten!). But the fries were good. Yum. Then I find out that, hey, the oil they fry them in has a wheat derivative in it. Nice! So apparently I need to do a LOT more research before I just eat out on a whim again. Frustration! Do they not realize how much I LOVE their food?
On a happier note... check out this article.... http://www.glutenfreeliving.com/Upload/plate-vol9-1. I called the movie theater today and verified that its popcorn is, in fact, GLUTEN FREE! YIPPPEEEE!!! I am going to the movies with my sis tomorrow night and am planning on eating as much as I can possibly consume. This makes me giddy at the thought. Seriously. I know, it's pathetic. As for where and what for dinner... that's a whole different problem that I can't even deal with right now!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Day Twenty:
Valentine's Day. Here's what I want. TAKE OUT FOOD! I am frustrated and cranky because all of my standard choices are a no-go for me. That makes me miserable. What used to be great for ordering on a whim or for a special treat has now lost all excitement. I want to scream. Seems ridiculous, I'm sure, but it's yet another moment that sends me right back to day one. And here I am again, cranky, hungry and really just plain ticked. This day wasn't all bad, it just went downhill around dinner time, which seems to happen a lot lately. If I had to analyze myself, I'd say that I wasn't tearing up about the food (even though good sesame chicken is something to cry about), it's just been a long day of trying hard to master this very difficult new life. I know, it shouldn't be THAT difficult, but it's kinda like if someone put a button in front of you and tells you you're not allowed to push it. All you want to do is push it and see what happens, and it takes all of your energy to think of ways to avoid pushing that button.
I'm off to drool about a nice (imaginary) french baguette drenched in olive oil and my yummy (imaginary) lo mein and sesame chicken..... Thank God Ben was here to take over dinner after my meltdown! I guess I'll have to eat his dinner and pretend it's eggplant pizza and an egg roll. ;)
Oh, and on a side note... thank GOD for Ellen, and her Udi's bread. (I LOVE YOU, ELLEN!) I am serious when I say I do NOT know what I would do if I had not been introduced to it. It is THE only bread that actually tastes decent. Life without bread... well, it's my blog title, so obviously it's made a big impact.
Valentine's Day. Here's what I want. TAKE OUT FOOD! I am frustrated and cranky because all of my standard choices are a no-go for me. That makes me miserable. What used to be great for ordering on a whim or for a special treat has now lost all excitement. I want to scream. Seems ridiculous, I'm sure, but it's yet another moment that sends me right back to day one. And here I am again, cranky, hungry and really just plain ticked. This day wasn't all bad, it just went downhill around dinner time, which seems to happen a lot lately. If I had to analyze myself, I'd say that I wasn't tearing up about the food (even though good sesame chicken is something to cry about), it's just been a long day of trying hard to master this very difficult new life. I know, it shouldn't be THAT difficult, but it's kinda like if someone put a button in front of you and tells you you're not allowed to push it. All you want to do is push it and see what happens, and it takes all of your energy to think of ways to avoid pushing that button.
I'm off to drool about a nice (imaginary) french baguette drenched in olive oil and my yummy (imaginary) lo mein and sesame chicken..... Thank God Ben was here to take over dinner after my meltdown! I guess I'll have to eat his dinner and pretend it's eggplant pizza and an egg roll. ;)
Oh, and on a side note... thank GOD for Ellen, and her Udi's bread. (I LOVE YOU, ELLEN!) I am serious when I say I do NOT know what I would do if I had not been introduced to it. It is THE only bread that actually tastes decent. Life without bread... well, it's my blog title, so obviously it's made a big impact.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Day Eighteen:
I am almost ready to say that I've adopted a new lifestyle. BUT. Just when I let my guard down, I get nervous that I'm going to slip. Like last night, when I made a batch of brownies. I stuck the toothpick in to check if they were done, and what do you know, I put the toothpick in my mouth. It's things like that, subconscious behaviors that I've done my whole life, that worry me. So now I'm back to being worried all the time, checking and double checking to make sure I'm doing everything right. When will this be second nature? I guess two weeks in is just too soon.
My bestie brought me William Sonoma, Cup 4 Cup Chocolate Chunk cookies. It was my first attempt at baking a dessert. I can only imagine what this creation costs, but nevermind that for now, because they were phenomenal. Everyone agreed. The only mishap was the fact that A. the wax paper almost started on fire, and B. the cookies all melded into one giant creation. But whatever... they were fantastic and I ate way too many. I am pretty sure that no one would ever be able to tell the difference between a "real" cookie and these. Yippee! Can't wait to try the pancakes!
I'm not feeling nearly as frustrated all the time, which is great, nor do I feel starving all the time. Yay! If I had to guess, I'd say I feel pretty much back to normal. Whatever normal is. I do feel less tired, but can't say that much else has changed as of yet. What does all of this mean, and when will I get a clear sign? My joint pain is still an issue some days, but I can't really tell if it has improved because it's always been a problem that fluctuates. My headaches seem better, although I'm an idiot and decided to try to get myself off of the migraine medication all at the same time as starting this diet. So I'm holding steady on a much smaller dose, which is good, but I'm still getting the occasional headache. Is this normal of one who weans off of the medication? Probably... I'm not a doctor and I need to stop acting like one! I'll have to wait this one out and see what happens. Another waiting game. But as long as I don't suffer like before, I've got the time!
The girls are getting used to my diet, too. They stop asking me if I want bites of their food, and they are asking a lot of questions about "momma's food." They also like to try it and tell me their opinion. I guess we're all adjusting, it's just taking time.
I am almost ready to say that I've adopted a new lifestyle. BUT. Just when I let my guard down, I get nervous that I'm going to slip. Like last night, when I made a batch of brownies. I stuck the toothpick in to check if they were done, and what do you know, I put the toothpick in my mouth. It's things like that, subconscious behaviors that I've done my whole life, that worry me. So now I'm back to being worried all the time, checking and double checking to make sure I'm doing everything right. When will this be second nature? I guess two weeks in is just too soon.
My bestie brought me William Sonoma, Cup 4 Cup Chocolate Chunk cookies. It was my first attempt at baking a dessert. I can only imagine what this creation costs, but nevermind that for now, because they were phenomenal. Everyone agreed. The only mishap was the fact that A. the wax paper almost started on fire, and B. the cookies all melded into one giant creation. But whatever... they were fantastic and I ate way too many. I am pretty sure that no one would ever be able to tell the difference between a "real" cookie and these. Yippee! Can't wait to try the pancakes!
I'm not feeling nearly as frustrated all the time, which is great, nor do I feel starving all the time. Yay! If I had to guess, I'd say I feel pretty much back to normal. Whatever normal is. I do feel less tired, but can't say that much else has changed as of yet. What does all of this mean, and when will I get a clear sign? My joint pain is still an issue some days, but I can't really tell if it has improved because it's always been a problem that fluctuates. My headaches seem better, although I'm an idiot and decided to try to get myself off of the migraine medication all at the same time as starting this diet. So I'm holding steady on a much smaller dose, which is good, but I'm still getting the occasional headache. Is this normal of one who weans off of the medication? Probably... I'm not a doctor and I need to stop acting like one! I'll have to wait this one out and see what happens. Another waiting game. But as long as I don't suffer like before, I've got the time!
The girls are getting used to my diet, too. They stop asking me if I want bites of their food, and they are asking a lot of questions about "momma's food." They also like to try it and tell me their opinion. I guess we're all adjusting, it's just taking time.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Day Fourteen:
Two pounds lighter, still grouchy. I have to say, I'm enjoying eating a little more... the salads and fruit are actually tasting good and making me feel full (finally). But at the same time, I am still encountering many, many circumstances where I want a food that I cannot have. A bite of this, and a taste of that. Ugh! In spite of that, I've managed to find something new that tastes, yes, GOOD! Betty Crocker GF Chocolate Chip Cookies have made it to the top of my list, I'm happy to report. It's about time I tasted a normal dessert that doesn't taste like GF white bread. Woohoo! The texture is still very different... picture a normal cookie, 3 days old (crumbly and dry) and you've got yourself a fresh baked GF cookie!! But I'm going to take this recipe under my wing and learn how to do it right. Unfortunately, unlike my secret to normal Betty Crocker brownies/cookies (under cook them by at least 8 minutes), GF doesn't work the same way- it will make you sick if it's undercooked. So it'll be a learning curve. But I'm up for the challenge here, because everyone knows how badly I need a warm chocolate cookie once in a while. The mood thing, though, I'm not sure what that's all about. Even I know that the last balloons have all deflated at my pity party, and I need to move on. But even though I can rationalize this, I can't seem to get out of the funk that drowns me day to day. I keep having (literal) dreams about eating things I'm not supposed to eat, which makes me feel anxious that I need to pay more careful attention and make sure I don't "forget" that I have this disease. Ha! That's hysterical. I am way too high strung! I guess that wasn't a Celiac symptom!
Yesterday was a sleepy day, which really surprised me, in that I now realize that I am feeling better. I took a nap and went to bed at 8:00, which was very, very normal for my day to day life pre-diagnosis. Yet this morning I realized that, wow, that was the first day in almost two weeks that I needed a nap midday! Everything is a puzzle, but the only thing that matters is that I continue to feel better.
Tonight is Vaca Frita night... my all time favorite Cuban meal that I cannot live without. Thank God it's gluten free. I plan to make it a lot. And by the way, is anyone else disturbed by the fact that Moe's tortilla chips have gluten in them? I am so angry about that! It's a CORN chip. Get a clue, Moe. "The queso is gluten-free, though." Hahaha... yeah, okay, should I just drink it with a straw, then? Ugh... I understand that I was one of them two weeks ago, but I just can't deal with clueless people right now....
Two pounds lighter, still grouchy. I have to say, I'm enjoying eating a little more... the salads and fruit are actually tasting good and making me feel full (finally). But at the same time, I am still encountering many, many circumstances where I want a food that I cannot have. A bite of this, and a taste of that. Ugh! In spite of that, I've managed to find something new that tastes, yes, GOOD! Betty Crocker GF Chocolate Chip Cookies have made it to the top of my list, I'm happy to report. It's about time I tasted a normal dessert that doesn't taste like GF white bread. Woohoo! The texture is still very different... picture a normal cookie, 3 days old (crumbly and dry) and you've got yourself a fresh baked GF cookie!! But I'm going to take this recipe under my wing and learn how to do it right. Unfortunately, unlike my secret to normal Betty Crocker brownies/cookies (under cook them by at least 8 minutes), GF doesn't work the same way- it will make you sick if it's undercooked. So it'll be a learning curve. But I'm up for the challenge here, because everyone knows how badly I need a warm chocolate cookie once in a while. The mood thing, though, I'm not sure what that's all about. Even I know that the last balloons have all deflated at my pity party, and I need to move on. But even though I can rationalize this, I can't seem to get out of the funk that drowns me day to day. I keep having (literal) dreams about eating things I'm not supposed to eat, which makes me feel anxious that I need to pay more careful attention and make sure I don't "forget" that I have this disease. Ha! That's hysterical. I am way too high strung! I guess that wasn't a Celiac symptom!
Yesterday was a sleepy day, which really surprised me, in that I now realize that I am feeling better. I took a nap and went to bed at 8:00, which was very, very normal for my day to day life pre-diagnosis. Yet this morning I realized that, wow, that was the first day in almost two weeks that I needed a nap midday! Everything is a puzzle, but the only thing that matters is that I continue to feel better.
Tonight is Vaca Frita night... my all time favorite Cuban meal that I cannot live without. Thank God it's gluten free. I plan to make it a lot. And by the way, is anyone else disturbed by the fact that Moe's tortilla chips have gluten in them? I am so angry about that! It's a CORN chip. Get a clue, Moe. "The queso is gluten-free, though." Hahaha... yeah, okay, should I just drink it with a straw, then? Ugh... I understand that I was one of them two weeks ago, but I just can't deal with clueless people right now....
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Day Eleven:
Fritos. Ben's homemade wings. Stubb's BBQ sauce. Cheese. Pepperoni. Tostitos. Lays. And Smirnoff. Yay! I can't have everything, but we've managed to make my Superbowl cheerful. I feel normal. I feel happy. It's a good day!
Today I went to the grocery store for the first time.... I mean, the real grocery store for my regulary weekly shop. It was interesting, to say the least. What I thought would be a "quick" shop was more than an hour and a half. What's most frustrating about label checking is that every single one is different. Some products have a special GF emblem, some have Gluten Free written somewhere on the package, and some say nothing at all. After spending two minutes on a package, the last thing I want to do is have to put it back because I don't have a clear cut answer. I can imagine this frustration must be widespread among other Celiacs. The other question is when a product says, "Produced in a factory with wheat and soy products." So is that just the legal mumbo jumbo in case I need an Epipen? Or does it mean the people that pack the item are wearing gloves covered in wheat flour? This is so puzzling and frustrating, and I can imagine that if you called all of these companies, they would each say something different. I only ended up encountering one Homer Simpson "Doh!" moment, which was the Lipton Onion Soup mix... my favorite onion dip of all time. It is produced in one of these questionable facilities. I have to admit, I ate it anyway. I'm not blatantly eating gluten, and for now I just need to let it go. You bet I'm going to call on Monday and find out. The other thing is that I'm just not sure how crazy I have to be just yet. Maybe these kinds of products are okay for me. Who knows. I'm not going to feel bad about it, today at least.
So in my quest to find some lunch products that don't include bread, I landed on Progresso French Onion soup. It's gluten free. The funniest part of this snippet is that I ended up putting bread in it, so what was the point?! I made croutons with my failed bread of yesterday, and then melted cheese on top. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't good either, because the bread soaked up the soup and still managed to taste like gluten free bread. I ended up scooping the bread out and eating the broth by itself. Hmph. Back to square one.
I have to say here, thank you to all of you who have been so super supportive of everything I've been going through. Especially those of you who have been dealing with my moods (Ben, Mom, Donna). I am lucky I can vent, but realize this does come at a cost! I'm trying, that's all I can say, and I know it will get better. I am figuring that's why you're all putting up with me in the first place. And I love having my very own personal Googlio (it's my new word for Cheerio... does anyone watch Glee?).... that's you, Nicky!!! Thank you, thank you.
Fritos. Ben's homemade wings. Stubb's BBQ sauce. Cheese. Pepperoni. Tostitos. Lays. And Smirnoff. Yay! I can't have everything, but we've managed to make my Superbowl cheerful. I feel normal. I feel happy. It's a good day!
Today I went to the grocery store for the first time.... I mean, the real grocery store for my regulary weekly shop. It was interesting, to say the least. What I thought would be a "quick" shop was more than an hour and a half. What's most frustrating about label checking is that every single one is different. Some products have a special GF emblem, some have Gluten Free written somewhere on the package, and some say nothing at all. After spending two minutes on a package, the last thing I want to do is have to put it back because I don't have a clear cut answer. I can imagine this frustration must be widespread among other Celiacs. The other question is when a product says, "Produced in a factory with wheat and soy products." So is that just the legal mumbo jumbo in case I need an Epipen? Or does it mean the people that pack the item are wearing gloves covered in wheat flour? This is so puzzling and frustrating, and I can imagine that if you called all of these companies, they would each say something different. I only ended up encountering one Homer Simpson "Doh!" moment, which was the Lipton Onion Soup mix... my favorite onion dip of all time. It is produced in one of these questionable facilities. I have to admit, I ate it anyway. I'm not blatantly eating gluten, and for now I just need to let it go. You bet I'm going to call on Monday and find out. The other thing is that I'm just not sure how crazy I have to be just yet. Maybe these kinds of products are okay for me. Who knows. I'm not going to feel bad about it, today at least.
So in my quest to find some lunch products that don't include bread, I landed on Progresso French Onion soup. It's gluten free. The funniest part of this snippet is that I ended up putting bread in it, so what was the point?! I made croutons with my failed bread of yesterday, and then melted cheese on top. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't good either, because the bread soaked up the soup and still managed to taste like gluten free bread. I ended up scooping the bread out and eating the broth by itself. Hmph. Back to square one.
I have to say here, thank you to all of you who have been so super supportive of everything I've been going through. Especially those of you who have been dealing with my moods (Ben, Mom, Donna). I am lucky I can vent, but realize this does come at a cost! I'm trying, that's all I can say, and I know it will get better. I am figuring that's why you're all putting up with me in the first place. And I love having my very own personal Googlio (it's my new word for Cheerio... does anyone watch Glee?).... that's you, Nicky!!! Thank you, thank you.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Day Ten:
The Breadmaker. Ha! Let's just say my experiment didn't go well. Luckily, after the overflowing incident, I was able to salvage the dough, let it rise again, and put it in the oven. It wasn't half bad. Not half good, either. I figured out that if you doused it in butter, then in oil, it doesn't have the aftertaste of other gluten free products. Yum! I've decided to can the idea of the breadmaker, and if I decide to make bread again, I'll just go back to the trusty ol' oven.
Nothing much to report today... other than the fact that I'm still starving, and despite the fact that I have added protein shakes to my diet, they don't seem to cut it. I'm hoping as more time passes this feeling will go away, because I just can't imagine continuing to battle with this. I guess it's good that I don't have a real desire to eat, because I probably would have gained ten pounds by now, but I can't say it's helped my mood any. I've discovered that my husband has rated my mood as being "foul" since the Celiac news broke. I don't think he blames me, but I'm sure he's tired of listening to me. Heck, I'm tired of listening to me. But at the same time, he doesn't have to cut out all of the things he loves... so I'm not really feeling sorry for him. I'm still experiencing the occasional pity party, and I've decided that it's okay for now.
So, the good news is that I've made it to day ten and I think, unscientifically, that I feel slightly better. The bad news is that I haven't really changed my attitude, haven't lost any weight (even though I was convinced I didn't care), and don't even understand how I'm going to do this for the rest of my life! One day at a time.
In the car tonight I listened to my daughters singing and realized that so much, if not all, of my happiness revolves around them. I need to stay focused on that, and let them give me the strength to get to tomorrow. I can do it.
The Breadmaker. Ha! Let's just say my experiment didn't go well. Luckily, after the overflowing incident, I was able to salvage the dough, let it rise again, and put it in the oven. It wasn't half bad. Not half good, either. I figured out that if you doused it in butter, then in oil, it doesn't have the aftertaste of other gluten free products. Yum! I've decided to can the idea of the breadmaker, and if I decide to make bread again, I'll just go back to the trusty ol' oven.
Nothing much to report today... other than the fact that I'm still starving, and despite the fact that I have added protein shakes to my diet, they don't seem to cut it. I'm hoping as more time passes this feeling will go away, because I just can't imagine continuing to battle with this. I guess it's good that I don't have a real desire to eat, because I probably would have gained ten pounds by now, but I can't say it's helped my mood any. I've discovered that my husband has rated my mood as being "foul" since the Celiac news broke. I don't think he blames me, but I'm sure he's tired of listening to me. Heck, I'm tired of listening to me. But at the same time, he doesn't have to cut out all of the things he loves... so I'm not really feeling sorry for him. I'm still experiencing the occasional pity party, and I've decided that it's okay for now.
So, the good news is that I've made it to day ten and I think, unscientifically, that I feel slightly better. The bad news is that I haven't really changed my attitude, haven't lost any weight (even though I was convinced I didn't care), and don't even understand how I'm going to do this for the rest of my life! One day at a time.
In the car tonight I listened to my daughters singing and realized that so much, if not all, of my happiness revolves around them. I need to stay focused on that, and let them give me the strength to get to tomorrow. I can do it.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Day Nine:
Pizza. Oh, pizza. Pizza Fridays with the Grubkas just got a little more complicated. A local restaurant that supposedly carried gluten-free dough no longer does. The bakery that makes it on Fridays was closed. And that left Whole Foods' frozen pizza, which I decided should NOT be my first pizza on the GF diet. No thanks. So Pizza Friday went on without me. I tried not to look, but the smell did catch me a few times and make me want to knock someone out for a piece. I ate my healthy salad instead, yeah me. At least Rob had a salad, too, which he seemed to enjoy.... in some weird way this makes me feel like less of an outsider. And there was wine. Thank God for wine. We'll have to venture out a little further for some pizza on our next Pizza Friday, but it will be worth it to be one of the pack.
Do I feel better today? I feel somewhat less tired. Could it be? I've slept a significant amount less this week, going to bed at 11:00 instead of my usual 8 or 9, and getting up at the normal time. I'm not testing the water, I'm just not tired at night like before. A coincidence? I'm not sure yet. Maybe it's just because there has been good t.v. on. Maybe it's because I'm hungry. Who knows. As the doctor says, I'm too scientific to let anything sway me, so I will need more proof... like a solid few weeks of this pattern (and crappy t.v.) before I'm convinced.
I've discovered my newest favorite, besides peanut butter... M&M's. Yum. Gluten-free and so darn good. I am thankful for Mars today.
Pizza. Oh, pizza. Pizza Fridays with the Grubkas just got a little more complicated. A local restaurant that supposedly carried gluten-free dough no longer does. The bakery that makes it on Fridays was closed. And that left Whole Foods' frozen pizza, which I decided should NOT be my first pizza on the GF diet. No thanks. So Pizza Friday went on without me. I tried not to look, but the smell did catch me a few times and make me want to knock someone out for a piece. I ate my healthy salad instead, yeah me. At least Rob had a salad, too, which he seemed to enjoy.... in some weird way this makes me feel like less of an outsider. And there was wine. Thank God for wine. We'll have to venture out a little further for some pizza on our next Pizza Friday, but it will be worth it to be one of the pack.
Do I feel better today? I feel somewhat less tired. Could it be? I've slept a significant amount less this week, going to bed at 11:00 instead of my usual 8 or 9, and getting up at the normal time. I'm not testing the water, I'm just not tired at night like before. A coincidence? I'm not sure yet. Maybe it's just because there has been good t.v. on. Maybe it's because I'm hungry. Who knows. As the doctor says, I'm too scientific to let anything sway me, so I will need more proof... like a solid few weeks of this pattern (and crappy t.v.) before I'm convinced.
I've discovered my newest favorite, besides peanut butter... M&M's. Yum. Gluten-free and so darn good. I am thankful for Mars today.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Day Eight:
Is it possible to get sick of Google? (Sorry, Nicky!) I've had it. Every minute I think of something I'm wondering about, and here I am again on the trusty (or not so) internet. Ugh. Just when I try to tell myself I'm not going to Google anything else, the urge overcomes me and there I go again. You get a million hits and half of it is pure crap. So I spend about twenty minutes wishing I get back the time I just wasted, and the brain cells I burned trying to decode all of this stuff I'm reading. I tried to buy some books, but everytime I read the reviews, I'm totally perplexed as to which one I should pick. Gluten-Free for Dummies? The Idiots Guide to Celiac? The Gluten-Free Bible? There are hundreds, if not more, books on this topic, and I just don't know where to go for advice.
I got a call from the Rheumatologist today. Just as I got my hopes up.... the insurance company has requested my endoscopy results. I think it's just prolonging the inevitable. It's a 50/50. Either they want it to prove that the genetic test is necessary, or they want it to prove the test is unnecessary. My guess is that it's the latter, but I'll try to stay positive. All I've got is time, right?
I'm learning that everything healthy is tasting better. It's not because I'm learning to accept that I have to eat it, it's because everything else tastes like dirt. I am constantly putting things in my mouth and wondering why I should even bother. It's a real eye-opener. Like this morning, on the way to the girls' dance class, when I grabbed a gluten-free version of a Nutrigrain Bar. Why on earth I thought that was a good purchase, I don't know, because I hate the non-gluten-free version! But at any rate, we jumped in the car and headed on our way as I excitedly broke open the package. Well, let's just say it's a good thing I had coffee in my cup, because I might have gone off the road otherwise. I almost choked. The flavor wasn't half bad, ironically, but the texture was all wrong. Chunky and crumbly "oats" that literally coagulated as they hit the saliva in my throat. Yum! I suddenly wished I had had time for that good ol' reliable bowl of Chex and Almond milk. It's all about discovery I suppose.
My family ate our homemade perogies tonight, as I tried not to watch. I'm not really angry anymore, or even upset, it's more numbing than anything else. I stood, instead, working hard on my salad. I know it will taste good, but I still miss my unified family meal some nights. The girls still don't understand, and tell me constantly that they are willing to share... it makes me think of the mother who doesn't eat so her children can have more.
Oh, and if you're wondering... yes, I'm still starving most of the time. And, no, I haven't gained an ounce or even lost an ounce for that matter. I'm holding ground in limbo.
Is it possible to get sick of Google? (Sorry, Nicky!) I've had it. Every minute I think of something I'm wondering about, and here I am again on the trusty (or not so) internet. Ugh. Just when I try to tell myself I'm not going to Google anything else, the urge overcomes me and there I go again. You get a million hits and half of it is pure crap. So I spend about twenty minutes wishing I get back the time I just wasted, and the brain cells I burned trying to decode all of this stuff I'm reading. I tried to buy some books, but everytime I read the reviews, I'm totally perplexed as to which one I should pick. Gluten-Free for Dummies? The Idiots Guide to Celiac? The Gluten-Free Bible? There are hundreds, if not more, books on this topic, and I just don't know where to go for advice.
I got a call from the Rheumatologist today. Just as I got my hopes up.... the insurance company has requested my endoscopy results. I think it's just prolonging the inevitable. It's a 50/50. Either they want it to prove that the genetic test is necessary, or they want it to prove the test is unnecessary. My guess is that it's the latter, but I'll try to stay positive. All I've got is time, right?
I'm learning that everything healthy is tasting better. It's not because I'm learning to accept that I have to eat it, it's because everything else tastes like dirt. I am constantly putting things in my mouth and wondering why I should even bother. It's a real eye-opener. Like this morning, on the way to the girls' dance class, when I grabbed a gluten-free version of a Nutrigrain Bar. Why on earth I thought that was a good purchase, I don't know, because I hate the non-gluten-free version! But at any rate, we jumped in the car and headed on our way as I excitedly broke open the package. Well, let's just say it's a good thing I had coffee in my cup, because I might have gone off the road otherwise. I almost choked. The flavor wasn't half bad, ironically, but the texture was all wrong. Chunky and crumbly "oats" that literally coagulated as they hit the saliva in my throat. Yum! I suddenly wished I had had time for that good ol' reliable bowl of Chex and Almond milk. It's all about discovery I suppose.
My family ate our homemade perogies tonight, as I tried not to watch. I'm not really angry anymore, or even upset, it's more numbing than anything else. I stood, instead, working hard on my salad. I know it will taste good, but I still miss my unified family meal some nights. The girls still don't understand, and tell me constantly that they are willing to share... it makes me think of the mother who doesn't eat so her children can have more.
Oh, and if you're wondering... yes, I'm still starving most of the time. And, no, I haven't gained an ounce or even lost an ounce for that matter. I'm holding ground in limbo.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Day Seven:
IGG. IGA. TTG. DQR8. DQR6. Endoscopy. Colonoscopy. Genetic testing. False positive. False negative. Huh? I'm a week in and I feel like I've gotten no where. The Rheumatologist has given me so much (too much) information, and I can't seem to find my way. I have choices now. I hate choices. I don't want choices. I'm back to being that tantruming toddler I was a week ago... I need to be told what to do. Doesn't anyone get that? My doctor called me complex and scientific. Ha! The bottom line is this.... I want the answer... the one that is 100% accurate. And guess what she said? In my case, it might not happen.
So here's what I do know.... my blood tests for Celiac were positive, as well as a test showing a Vitamin D deficiency (which, funny enough, goes along with Celiac- hellloooo!!!). In my doctor's eyes, it is most likely that I have Celiac. Everything else was normal (phew). However, in order to confirm that I have Celiac I need to have one of two things done: a genetic test for the Celiac marker or an endoscopy/colonoscopy (the top half of which I've already had a year ago). Turns out that choice number one is often not covered by insurance, and if it comes back negative, it means I can't have Celiac but still might have varying degrees of gluten sensitivity/intolerance since my initial Celiac test was positive. Choice number two involves ANOTHER biopsy, which was very expensive and leaves room for question since my doctor said I might get a false negative. Which then begs the question... was it negative last time because I didn't have the disease (yet)? Or was it negative because I was biopsied in an unaffected area of my small intestine? And why am I, one week into this, the one who has to make the decision about where to go from here?
So where DO I go from here? Well, my plan is fluid at this point, but I've come up with this so far, by taking my Rheumatologist's advice and going by all of the research I've done. 1. Wait for insurance approval/denial of genetic testing. I've decided to try this route first because it's the least invasive and seemingly most conclusive test I can get. If it comes out positive, it's pretty clear that the answer is Celiac. I think. I guess we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. If the insurance company denies it, I will head back to the G.I. doctor and see what they recommend next, even though I know what it will be. 2. Stay on the diet. It might make me feel better, and if it does (or even if it doesn't), the doctor can run my blood test again in a few weeks and see how my blood levels have reacted to the elimination of gluten. Well, I'm already on the diet, so what now? More waiting? Ugh. And more questions.
In the beginning I wasn't clear why it took so long for people to get diagnosed. Now I get it. Even when things seem so clear cut, they really aren't. All that's left is more waiting... and the diet.... the lovely, delicious diet. And hope... that someone or something can give me the answer.
IGG. IGA. TTG. DQR8. DQR6. Endoscopy. Colonoscopy. Genetic testing. False positive. False negative. Huh? I'm a week in and I feel like I've gotten no where. The Rheumatologist has given me so much (too much) information, and I can't seem to find my way. I have choices now. I hate choices. I don't want choices. I'm back to being that tantruming toddler I was a week ago... I need to be told what to do. Doesn't anyone get that? My doctor called me complex and scientific. Ha! The bottom line is this.... I want the answer... the one that is 100% accurate. And guess what she said? In my case, it might not happen.
So here's what I do know.... my blood tests for Celiac were positive, as well as a test showing a Vitamin D deficiency (which, funny enough, goes along with Celiac- hellloooo!!!). In my doctor's eyes, it is most likely that I have Celiac. Everything else was normal (phew). However, in order to confirm that I have Celiac I need to have one of two things done: a genetic test for the Celiac marker or an endoscopy/colonoscopy (the top half of which I've already had a year ago). Turns out that choice number one is often not covered by insurance, and if it comes back negative, it means I can't have Celiac but still might have varying degrees of gluten sensitivity/intolerance since my initial Celiac test was positive. Choice number two involves ANOTHER biopsy, which was very expensive and leaves room for question since my doctor said I might get a false negative. Which then begs the question... was it negative last time because I didn't have the disease (yet)? Or was it negative because I was biopsied in an unaffected area of my small intestine? And why am I, one week into this, the one who has to make the decision about where to go from here?
So where DO I go from here? Well, my plan is fluid at this point, but I've come up with this so far, by taking my Rheumatologist's advice and going by all of the research I've done. 1. Wait for insurance approval/denial of genetic testing. I've decided to try this route first because it's the least invasive and seemingly most conclusive test I can get. If it comes out positive, it's pretty clear that the answer is Celiac. I think. I guess we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. If the insurance company denies it, I will head back to the G.I. doctor and see what they recommend next, even though I know what it will be. 2. Stay on the diet. It might make me feel better, and if it does (or even if it doesn't), the doctor can run my blood test again in a few weeks and see how my blood levels have reacted to the elimination of gluten. Well, I'm already on the diet, so what now? More waiting? Ugh. And more questions.
In the beginning I wasn't clear why it took so long for people to get diagnosed. Now I get it. Even when things seem so clear cut, they really aren't. All that's left is more waiting... and the diet.... the lovely, delicious diet. And hope... that someone or something can give me the answer.
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