Day Eight:

Is it possible to get sick of Google? (Sorry, Nicky!) I've had it. Every minute I think of something I'm wondering about, and here I am again on the trusty (or not so) internet. Ugh. Just when I try to tell myself I'm not going to Google anything else, the urge overcomes me and there I go again. You get a million hits and half of it is pure crap. So I spend about twenty minutes wishing I get back the time I just wasted, and the brain cells I burned trying to decode all of this stuff I'm reading. I tried to buy some books, but everytime I read the reviews, I'm totally perplexed as to which one I should pick. Gluten-Free for Dummies? The Idiots Guide to Celiac? The Gluten-Free Bible? There are hundreds, if not more, books on this topic, and I just don't know where to go for advice.

I got a call from the Rheumatologist today. Just as I got my hopes up.... the insurance company has requested my endoscopy results. I think it's just prolonging the inevitable. It's a 50/50. Either they want it to prove that the genetic test is necessary, or they want it to prove the test is unnecessary.  My guess is that it's the latter, but I'll try to stay positive.  All I've got is time, right?

I'm learning that everything healthy is tasting better. It's not because I'm learning to accept that I have to eat it, it's because everything else tastes like dirt. I am constantly putting things in my mouth and wondering why I should even bother. It's a real eye-opener.  Like this morning, on the way to the girls' dance class, when I grabbed a gluten-free version of a Nutrigrain Bar.  Why on earth I thought that was a good purchase, I don't know, because I hate the non-gluten-free version! But at any rate, we jumped in the car and headed on our way as I excitedly broke open the package. Well, let's just say it's a good thing I had coffee in my cup, because I might have gone off the road otherwise. I almost choked.  The flavor wasn't half bad, ironically, but the texture was all wrong.  Chunky and crumbly "oats" that literally coagulated as they hit the saliva in my throat. Yum! I suddenly wished I had had time for that good ol' reliable bowl of Chex and Almond milk. It's all about discovery I suppose.

My family ate our homemade perogies tonight, as I tried not to watch. I'm not really angry anymore, or even upset, it's more numbing than anything else. I stood, instead, working hard on my salad.  I know it will taste good, but I still miss my unified family meal some nights. The girls still don't understand, and tell me constantly that they are willing to share... it makes me think of the mother who doesn't eat so her children can have more. 

Oh, and if you're wondering... yes, I'm still starving most of the time. And, no, I haven't gained an ounce or even lost an ounce for that matter. I'm holding ground in limbo.